When I started dating the boyfriend I remember him telling me that his mother was worried for him dating me...because I was Punjabi. What would my culture demand and how would we be treated along with our kids (turns out she saw a mixed child and my baby pictures so it's okay now). And, I know both him and I get asked "how does her/your parents feel about you dating outside the culture." People tend to forget that I was born and raised Canadian so I identify more with my peers than my background culture.
|Linda and Jamal|
It's a bit weird knowing that my skin colour makes people hesitate. I think to myself what is it about my kind that would scare people or make them want to hesitate. I know we get a bad rep for not wanting to date out of culture, but when my family met Derek, they were more than welcoming. I was on pins and needles because everyone was meeting him at my cousin's wedding in a Gurdwara. My aunts and uncles were hugging him...like we were suddenly in a scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I know we have a rep for father's bringing out their shotgun and getting their daughters married off to the first boy they speak. My dad and my mom, hearing how I was being treated, was telling me there were other fish in the sea. It is I who am clutching to the he's my first and forever. While I haven't pushed for marriage - except the last year- I also don't want to stay stagnant. For me to move in with him I feel I need a commitment. I loaned him money to pay for every day stuff thinking I was investing in my future and saw it as a commitment to him. I relaxed on some of my own beliefs to compromise to a new life.
Sorry this turned out to be a ramble...just feeling a bit blue today. I have not heard from Derek at all since the day I posted The Missing Boyfriend. So we haven't technically broken up....we continue to be in this no man's land. And, I am not sure what is going on - I have tried to contact him, but he's brooding. Don't feel too sorry for him...he has company, I bet (more on her in another post). Thanks to those who are reading this. It gives me objective insight to my own life and I hope I can get stronger and demand what I am worth. It also breaks the years of silence. To keep silent about things has only made me sick because you can internalize so much. I am also hoping that Derek can read this and see what exactly trying to say - it's not a blame game...it's this is how I feel how do WE fix it. I invite him to share his feelings and what points I am missing. I have many flaws, that I know, lol. Going to go start a new book...that always keeps the trembling hands busy.
k (My Novelesque Life)